


Are You With Me?

by orphan_account



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: M/M, zombie apocalypse AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-02-10 02:05:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2006907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Apologies for the lack of an ending, I honest-to-god thought I had posted this final chapter. Sorry about that.</p></blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Are You With Me?

This fic is dedicated to the lovely and talented Riccasze and Komadoree, whose art and awesome inspired this fic.

Zombie Apocalypse AU! Freewood. Let the feels begin.

**_ RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT- _ **

It started like any apocalypse does.

Slow and quieted by the military and sceptics. Then it burst into a massive clusterfuck, panic in the streets and the true nature of man showing in spades.

Ryan was at school, in the middle of second period English class when the movie they were watching on tv was cancelled by a news bulletin. Riots in the city of San Antonio, reporters saying some people were even eating each other. People in the area were urged to stay indoors.

Since they were a while away, they were asked to continue on with their lives like normal.

By the end of the day, every student was whispering about the riots, joking about zombies and the like. It was only when the teachers were called to an emergency meeting that they started to worry it was true.

“Hey, you don’t think they actually _are_ zombies, do you?” Gavin asked his friend, Ryan as they walked home from school that afternoon. Ryan was a senior, a few months from graduation, while Gavin was only a junior.

“Nah. No such thing, remember,” Ryan reassured his friend. He was amongst the group that decided that it was definitely all fine and people were fussing over nothing.

“But remember how they found that zombie fungus?” Gavin added and Ryan just rolled his eyes.

“It was only for ants and there’s no way it went cross species, all the way to humans, this quickly. If it _was_ zombies, it’d be like Resident Evil and it’s a bio-weapon that fucked people up. Or a rage-monkey. One of those,” Ryan theorised. Then he went silent, slowing his steps enough to get behind Gavin, then he lunged at him, shouting ‘rawr’ and grabbing onto his shoulders.

“And if there was a zombie apocalypse, I promise, you’d be the first one I’d get,” Ryan promised just as they reached the front door of Gavin’s house.

“Promise?” Gavin asked quietly. Ryan let out a little sigh. Gavin was really worried about this thing. He pulled his letterman off and wrapped it around Gavin’s shoulders.

“This is me promising to come back for you, okay?” Ryan said with a smile that Gavin returned. The two parted ways, Gavin rushing into his house and Ryan jogging down the street to his own place, not thinking anything more about supposed zombie apocalypses.

\----

\------

\----

Screaming. That’s what he woke up to. Screaming and snarling and sirens.

“What the fuck?” Ryan asked the room as he jumped out of bed and went to the window, looking outside to find the most horrifying sight he could have ever imagined.

His father was lying there on the pavement, blood pooling around him. His mother was kneeling over him, crying into his shirt? No. She sat upright, ripping his organs from his gut and stuffing them into her already blood encrusted mouth. It took Ryan a moment to understand, truly understand, what was going on.

Gavin was right.

 _Gavin_.

Ryan scrambled over to his dresser, pulling out a pair of jeans and a shirt, forgoing underwear, because he really didn’t think about it while he stuffed a spare set of clothes into his bag along with some snacks he kept around. There was a knife he bought online, a kukri, just because he thought it looked cool. It would definitely come in handy. And his dad’s guns, down in his study. His father kept two guns, one in the closet and the other in his desk, just in case.

Not that something like this would have ever occurred to him.

Ryan made his way down the hall to his dad’s study keeping as quiet as possible. He found it was undisturbed and completely empty, thankfully and the guns were in their places. One was a shotgun, the other a pistol. His dad had taken him to the shooting range a few times, so he knew how to use them, thankfully. He’d just need to be wary of the kickback from the shotgun. He found the spare ammunition and their holsters in the closet, loading the guns and stuffing the rest, including the pistol into his backpack before making his way towards the stair-

His mother. Was standing on the first floor, white eyes trained on him, lips bared in a snarl as fresh blood dripped from her mouth. Ryan stood frozen, waiting for her to move first. She stumbled up the stairs, a demonic shriek ripping from her throat before he pulled the trigger, throwing her back down in a twitching heap before she stopped moving completely.

“Fuck,” Ryan said shakily, running down the stairs with teary eyes that got even worse as he passed the corpse of his father. He’d apparently been hit by something hard enough to crack his skull open, leaving parts of it all over the road. At least it meant, by normal zombie logic, that he wouldn’t have to deal with him. He then realised how stupid he’d just been. He needed to conserve his ammunition.

He holstered the shotgun to his back and pulled out his knife, holding it at the ready as he sprinted down the street towards Gavin’s house. He had to find him. Gavin wouldn’t last more than a minute on his own and his parents were out of town for work.

Once he reached Gavin’s house, his stomached dropped when he saw that the front door was wide open, blood stains on the white paint. He ran up the steps, quietly entering the house to see no signs of movement on the first floor.

“Gavin?” Ryan called out, hoping for some sort of resp-

“Ryan?”

Holy shit.

The voice came from upstairs so Ryan flung himself up the steps, two at a time until he came to Gavin’s room, the young man standing over a corpse, one of his dad’s guns in his hands, blood smears on his clothes and tears running down his face.

“I-I didn’t mean to. He was t-trying to bite me. I don’t want to go to jail, Ryan,” Gavin whimpered, looking back and forth between his best friend and the gun.

“Gavin, it’s okay. It’s…That isn’t human,” he said, motioning to the body, his hands smoothing over Gavin’s arms soothingly. “You were right. But I need you to get dressed and come with me. We need to get out of here and hole up somewhere safe. Grab whatever you need, any weapons that are in the house that we can carry. Okay?” Ryan asked. Gavin was still in shock, pale and covered in tears and blood.

“Gav, come on, I need you,” Ryan pleaded, brushing the strands of hair covering his friend’s face out of his eyes. “Are you with me?” He asked, finally seeing some recognition in Gavin’s eyes. The younger boy nodded shakily, turning and getting ready to leave with Ryan. The last thing he grabbed before he left was Ryan’s letterman jacket, pulling it on over his small frame. Ryan said nothing, leading the way out the door and into this new and terrifying world they would have to live in.


	2. Chapter 2

**_ Chapter Two _ **

_You were too late, Ryan. I’m dead now. You didn’t save me and now I’m just rotting on the ground…_

_And it **s** a **l** l **yo** u **r FAULT**_

Ryan sat up with a gasp, sweat clinging to his skin while he looked around for Gavin who was still alive and asleep beside him. They had locked themselves in a drug store, the front of the building secured by a gate and apparently it hadn’t been fully opened before the zombies killed the owner and fled themselves, in search for food, so the windows were still covered by their metal bars and every door was locked except for the front.

Ryan curled up on his side, watching Gavin sleep. It wasn’t creepy, he swore. It was just…calming. Knowing that his best friend was safe, right there with him, even if he did whimper on occasion because nightmares were trying to worm their way into his head as well as Ryan’s, but a quick stroke of his hair and he relaxed again.

They’d been running for four or five days, Ryan wasn’t sure. He knew Gavin was. The kid kept track of that sort of thing. They’d managed to clear the store of anything they needed though and they had to leave in the morning, preferably in a car. Gavin didn’t know how to drive, but he knew how to hotwire a car. Ryan didn’t want to ask how he knew how but he wasn’t complaining either.

A scratching at the windows made Ryan twitch and a slam at the gate, followed by a thud against the concrete outside made Gavin wake with a start, sitting up and nearly slamming his face into Ryan’s hand since the older boy was still running his fingers through his hair, but stopped once his companion was awake.

“Everything’s fine, Gav,” Ryan murmured, startling the Brit just a little.

“Ryan. Did you have a nightmare?” Gavin asked, rolling onto his side in his sleeping bag so he faced Ryan. The older boy said nothing, just laid down, facing Gavin with his head propped up by his hand, giving a minute nod of his head. He couldn’t lie to Gavin. It never worked. Along with being surprisingly good at hotwiring cars, he was apparently the perfect lie detector.

“I’m fine. Just go back to sleep. I just want to keep watch for a little bit,” Ryan reassured, giving Gavin a small smile. The younger man returned it, shifting a little closer to Ryan before he closed his eyes and drifted off, his breathing slowing enough for Ryan to risk just watching him sleep again.

Yeah, he loved him. Of course he did. Who else but an idiot in love would risk their own lives again and again for someone? But Gavin didn’t know that. Fuck no. They were travelling together. He was protecting his best friend. He didn’t want Gavin feigning a relationship with him out of obligation, like some sort of twisted trade of love for safety. Or, god forbid, Gavin be too worried about Ryan disregarding his own safety for Gavin’s that he left.

Ryan ran a hand through his own wavy hair, frowning at the length. He’d probably need to cut it. Keeping long hair would be a problem in a world where creatures grabbed at whatever they could in order to get close enough to tear your throat out. He’d need to cut Gavin’s too.

Gavin had always kept his even longer than Ryan’s, down to his shoulders and longer, not caring what people said about it but now it wasn’t a fashion statement. It was a necessity.

He’d talk to him about it in the morning, before they left.

Ryan stood up from his sleeping bag, stretching his aching muscles on his way to the front of the store where there was a convenient little gap wide enough to see what was going on in the street. Thank Christ for paranoid drug store owners. The jock peered through, using one hand to keep his hair out of the way and the other to brace himself against the wall, seeing a shuffling zombie across the street, then his view was blocked by the bloodied teeth of another one that walked right in front of the door, making him jump back in shock and nearly knock over a display of toys behind him.

The creature just ambled past, snarling nonsense to itself and, thankfully, didn’t have a keen enough sense of smell to detect a human nearby. Ryan sighed in relief, stepping away from the door, deciding on going to sit beside Gavin again…

Just to knock over the fucking toy display.

Items jingled and banged on the floor, startling Gavin from his sleep again and just as Ryan turned to apologise, they both heard a slamming on the doors and windows, palms banging fruitlessly at the metal, snarls echoing through the tiled room. Gavin shook, curling up into a ball and covering his ears, whimpering for them to ‘please just bloody stop’.

Ryan ran over, dropping to his knees and sliding over to Gavin’s side, wrapping his arms around him and whispering that it would stop soon, they’d forget, they’d give up and then they’d leave like they always did. Gavin, without a second thought, curled into Ryan’s embrace, burying his face in his neck and wrapping his arms around his waist, waiting for the creatures to leave.

It took nearly all night this time, for the zombies to dissipate, a new noise sending them into another frenzy every time they seemed to be letting up but soon enough, they stumbled off to find someone else to torment or eat, leaving Ryan and Gavin still curled around each other, falling into an uneasy sleep while the words of Ryan’s nightmare from earlier seeped into mind.

_You can’t protect me forever. I’ll die and then you’ll just have to live knowing you **k** il **led me**._


	3. Chapter 3

**_ Chapter Three _ **

“Do I really have to?” Gavin asked, his tone more pleading than whiny.

“I’m sorry, but we do. We can’t risk you getting grabbed because your hair got caught in something or they got too close,” Ryan reasoned and Gavin nodded in reply, but he still didn’t like it. Ryan sat Gavin down in front of him, wrapping a small towel he found on the shelves around his shoulders, getting the scissors and comb ready.

“Have you cut someone’s hair before?” Gavin asked hesitantly.

“I cut my own a few times,” Ryan replied, pulling gently at the long strands of hair and making quick work of it. Before he knew it, Gavin’s hair was shorter than his, stuck up in messy sort of style most guys spent hours trying to achieve. Apparently the lack of weight made it so his hair had anti-gravity abilities.

“How does it look?” Gavin questioned, not waiting long enough for Ryan to answer, instead going for the mirror by the glasses display, turning his head at different angles as he made a decision.

“So?” Ryan prompted. Gavin turned around with a smile on his face.

“It looks good. Are you sure you wanted to do computing in uni, not beauty?” he replied, his eyes narrowing in suspicion but the smile hinted more at teasing.

“Yeah yeah. I could make you bald, if you’d prefer?” Ryan retorted, standing in front of the mirror as well while he trimmed his hair, just a little shorter than Gavin’s but not by much. Both would be fine if something were to grab at them.

“Time to go, yeah?” Gavin asked, walking over to their sleeping bags, starting to pack his things while he waited for Ryan to finish up.

“Yeah. I want to make sure outside is clear before we go running though,” the older boy stated, tossing the scissors and comb into his bag, then the rest of his things. They’d raided an outdoor sport store, grabbing a proper pack for each of them as well as sleeping bags and, amazingly, extra ammunition and long-life food. Surprisingly, it hadn’t been hit yet so it still had fully-stocked everything while the supermarkets and gun stores were picked clean.

“Do you think...like, we’re alive, right? So, could there be others? Living ones? Maybe building somewhere safe?” Gavin asked meekly while he pulled on Ryan’s letterman, as if asking would dash any hopes he had of it being true.

“Probably. If two high schoolers can make it this far, the army or the cops and stuff should be able to get something together,” Ryan supposed, mussing up Gavin’s hair as he passed by on his way to the door.

Of course, he didn’t believe it himself. He just couldn’t bear seeing The Look. The one Gavin got where it was obvious he was starting to give up hope.

Ryan needed to keep him hoping even if there was nothing to hope for.

**_ RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT- _ **

“How long does this normally take?” Ryan asked nervously, surveying the streets around them for any signs of the zombies. There was one shuffling along down the other end of the street, too far to catch on that they were there but it didn’t mean it wouldn’t eventually wander over, maybe alert others to their presence. They’d picked a van, mostly because it had a full gas tank but also because it had enough room for them to sleep in comfortably if it came to camping out.

“Almost…ha! Got it,” Gavin grinned, pulling his head out from underneath the steering wheel with a grin that faded when his eyes focused on something over Ryan’s shoulder, widening in terror. Ryan spun around, seeing that he was right and the zombie had started to come over, very obviously gunning for them. The problem was that its friends, who were apparently hiding or fucking napping, started to crawl out of the alleyways and from inside trashed buildings, all snarling and making their way towards the two boys.

“Get in passenger seat,” Ryan ordered, throwing his things in the back seat and climbing in while Gavin shuffled over to the front passenger seat, closing his window as Ryan shifted the car into gear. Thank fuck his dad was ‘stick or nothing’ when it came to teaching his son how to drive.

“Hold on, Gav,” Ryan suggested, pealing out from the car’s parking spot and speeding off, scrapes and thuds alerting them to how close the monsters got to their car.

“Jesus Christ,” Gavin exclaimed, shrinking in his car as the decomposing faces of the once-humans passed by, thinning out gradually until it was clear and they were on their way out of town. Thankfully they lived far away enough from the centre of Austin to not have to deal with a lot and from the direction Ryan was taking then, he seemed to have a clear goal in mind.

“So, where to?” Gavin asked, opening his bag and pulling out his map, tracing over the different routes.

“Away. Somewhere people didn’t normally go. Open fields probably. Keep the land in sight so we can see if any zombies are sneaking up on us,” Ryan suggested, glancing at Gavin in the seat beside him, unable to help the soft smile that made its way to his lips at how Gavin looked, sun in his newly cut hair, hazel eyes scanning over the map and his feet pulled up onto the seat, crossed underneath him. Gavin glanced up as well but only for a moment before returning to the map. Then he did a double take, looking right back at Ryan with a confused expression.

“What?” he asked simply and Ryan realised that he’d been caught staring _and_ smiling. An awful combination.

“Nothing. Just…admiring your new hair is all. I did a damned good job,” he praised himself, shifting in the seat and forcing his eyes on the road, manoeuvring past all the abandoned cars and bodies that littered it, on their way to somewhere new.


	4. Chapter 4

**_ Chapter Four _ **

_Snap_.

Ryan’s head jerked towards the source of the noise, aiming his recently acquired crossbow at the bushes and waiting but, thankfully, instead of a mostly-rotted monster, a rabbit hopped out, sniffing the air for a moment before it was hit in the head with a crossbow bolt, dying an instant later.

Ryan and Gavin had been at this for a little over a month now, siphoning gas from whatever cars they could find and collecting ammunition from stores, vehicles and even corpses they happened upon. Gavin’s hair had gotten a little longer, neither having the inclination towards cutting it. Living out by the woods meant they hunted when they could and kept away from their long-term food as much as possible. And since it was just shifting into winter, they’d raided a clothing store, grabbing what warm clothing they could.

“Aw, poor bunny,” Gavin cooed, retrieving the rabbit from beside the bushes and pulling the bolt from its head.

“I know, I know. We’ll bury the bones like last time,” Ryan replied with raised eyebrows and a smile, silently conveying his willingness to go along with Gavin’s unnecessary rituals.

“Don’t look at me like that. Fluffers didn’t deserve to die, I’m just giving him the burial he _does_ deserve,” Gavin said with mock indignation. “We still have ice in the cooler. Want him in there?” Gavin asked, pointing towards the car.

“Yeah. Should make use of it while we have it,” Ryan agreed and Gavin turned, opening up the boot of the car and the cooler, placing the rabbit inside with far more care than necessary. But Ryan loved that about him amongst the other thousand and one things he loved about Gavin, that he was still sweet despite all the shit they’d been through.

They were literally going through the apocalypse and Gavin was worrying about the comfort of a dead rabbit.

“Do you know what today is?” Gavin asked, completely out of nowhere but with enough enthusiasm that Ryan feels like he _should_ know what it is.

“No, can’t say I do,” he replies, looking up at his friend expectantly.

“It’s your birthday,” Gavin announced excitedly. Ryan furrowed his eyebrows, thinking to himself. Truthfully, he didn’t really know what month it was, let alone what day.

“You sure?” he asked and Gavin just nodded, pulling a little notebook he’d seen many times. A blue one with the British flag that he drew over to make his own superhero logo. “Its December 6th, yeah?” Gavin confirmed and Ryan shrugged with a little nod, watching as his best friend rummaged around in his pack, mumbling to himself until he let out a triumphant ‘ha!’ and pulled out a small package wrapped in newspaper.

“Gavin, you didn’t have to get me anything,” Ryan said but the sandy haired boy just bounced over, sitting himself down beside Ryan and handing him the gift, silently prompting him to open it. Ryan carefully undid the tape (not their duct tape, thankfully, just some standard sticky tape, probably from a post office), pulling the paper aside until the present was in view.

It was a sketch book and some art supplies in a small case with his name on it. Ryan liked to draw, he just never got to do it very often. Gavin always said he was quite good, claiming whatever pictures Ryan decided he was going to throw out, saying it was a crime to destroy art.

“Gav,” Ryan breathed with a smile, looking at the younger boy who was grinning widely at him. Then Gavin’s eyes flickered to his lips and the smile faltered a little to something softer, then his cheeks flushed and he faced their little fire, keeping himself upright by bracing his hands on their log seat.

“I’m glad you like it. I miss seeing you draw,” the Brit admitted, scratching at his jaw, the silence returning, but it wasn’t overly uncomfortable, just…it felt like they were waiting for something. Ryan, deciding that the apocalypse was as fine a time as ever to get brave and try for what you want, reached his hand out, placing it gingerly on top of Gavin’s, curling his fingers a little so it was obvious it wasn’t just him misplacing his hand.

Gavin stared at their hands as if he didn’t understand what they were, but when he finally looked up at Ryan, his cheeks were bright red and his eyes kept darting back and forth between Ryan’s eyes and his lips, biting his own while the gears turned in his head.

This was it. Ryan had to make a move. He had to be direct, Gavin was always a little slow on the uptake when it came to matters of romance. So Ryan used his free hand to cup Gavin’s cheek, leaning in, lips slightly parted and cheeks red as he scanned Gavin’s face, searching for any signs of rejection. None. He leant in just a little more, their lips a hair’s breadth apart…

“Well, lookie here, cute little _faggots_ ,” a voice called out from the trees. Ryan jerked back, picking up his crossbow and aiming it towards the source, just for a loud bang to echo out and for him to be thrown to the ground in agonising pain. A gunshot. He’d just been shot. He gave himself a little credit for not just screaming or crying, but it _fucking hurt._

“Ryan!” Gavin cried out, lunging over to his friend and examining his shoulder, putting some pressure on it for only a moment before he was dragged back by a gloved hand.

“ _Ryan_ ,” the newcomer mocked, a series of cackles coming from around them, five men being the sources, all in leather and armed to the teeth with pistols, rifles and knives. One was holding onto Gavin, keeping him upright with one hand locking his arms behind his back and the other gripping his chin, forcing his head back and forth as he looked him over. “Pretty little limey doll, hm? Don’t you think _Ryan_?” the man asked and the jock let out a yell, stumbling to his feet to tackle the man only to be thrown to the ground once more and a foot placed on his wounded shoulder, pressing down hard.

“Who the _fuck_ are you _?”_ Ryan spat out, writhing on the ground in pain but still managing to keep the defiant, enraged look in his eyes.

“Oh, we’re just some weary travellers, escaping the walkers just like anyone else,” the man, apparently their leader, said theatrically. “Sadly, a little lady that we took care of in exchange for… _services_ , just had to run off with a whole lot of our supplies but still let herself get ate. Ungrateful little lady. So we’re in need of more supplies…and another hole to fill,” the man sneered, pressing his nose against Gavin’s throat and inhaling loudly, letting out a satisfied noise. Gavin squirmed in his grip, trying to get the man as far away from him as possible but there was no way, he just wasn’t strong enough.

“ _Don’t you fucking touch him_ ,” Ryan snarled, slamming his fist up to hit the man pinning him in the crotch and forcing him off. He pulled a knife out of his boot and managed to force it into one man’s from under his chin, pushing the now dead man to the ground and getting another slash out before his arm was grabbed and a fist slammed into his jaw. His vision swam for a moment, then something slammed into his gut, forcing all of the air out of his lungs.

Hit after hit came at him, leaving his bleeding and crumpled on the ground and through it all, he could hear Gavin screaming for him. The beatings stopped but he couldn’t move. He just laid there on the ground, a corpse a few feet away and his vision going fuzzy. He could heard the men ransack the van, Gavin screaming and crying and begging for them to let him go and let him help Ryan, to just take what they wanted but let him help his friend.

No help came.

Then everything went black.


	5. Chapter 5

**_ Chapter Five _ **

_Snarl_

_Crunch_

Ryan’s eyes snapped open, the only thing in sight being a body, its stomach torn open while a walker lazily swallowed down its meal. Ryan gasped, pulling himself up off the ground and putting some space between him and the zombie.

It looked up at him, growling and reaching out with a rotten, three fingered hand, but it realised he was too far out of reach and it already had food so it went back to feeding while Ryan surveyed his surroundings. He saw tire tracks, his pack, emptied of everything except for his sleeping bag, hell they even took the hoodie he’d been wearing. Over on the ground, something white, red and blue caught his attention. Gavin’s notebook.

Ryan knelt down, and picked it up, just holding it for a moment. He carefully placed it in his pack and slung the bag over his shoulder, searching around for the van. It was still there, all of the tires gone and the boot completely emptied of supplies. Ryan pulled at the small panel in the back, nearly invisible unless you knew what it was.

It opened with a click and there were their… _his_ emergency supplies. His dad’s pistol, a combat knife, some jerky, an empty bottle for water, a lighter, a torch, and some batteries.

Gavin had suggested this. They’d watched a lot of zombie movies together and Gavin pointed out that people would roll up and ransack camps, steal all of their supplies but they always leave the cars, knowing it would waste gas. Gavin seems to always be right, about the zombies, about people tearing through camps and about hiding important things.

“God _fucking damnit_ ,” Ryan choked out, punching the side of the van. The zombie behind him gave a little snarl and stumbled to its feet, shuffling over to where Ryan stood. The brunette turned around, tears streaming down his cheeks as he let out a pained shout, plunging his knife into the walker’s skull again and again, killing the zombie instantly but still tearing into it, stabbing its face until it was an unrecognisable mess, thick, coagulated blood spraying onto his thin t-shirt and jeans, and flecking his skin.

One he was done, he sat back on his knees, crying silently and staring blankly ahead of him. His eyes shifted to the body of one of the men that came into the camp, torn up and coated in blood, his dead eyes staring up at the sky. Ryan stood up, making his way over to the corpse as the beating from earlier started making itself know with a vengeance. He had to have, at the very least, bruised ribs, a sprained ankle, bruised knuckles, back, face. He was just a walking, throbbing bruise.

But he had to find Gavin. He needed to save him.

So Ryan tugged at the corpse, removing its leather jacket and pulling it on himself. It fit well enough and would keep him warmer than his threadbare t-shirt. There was a flask in the inside pocket, filled with something that smelled like permanent marker. Ryan didn’t even hazard a sip, just throwing it onto the body it belonged to as he turned away, collecting his pack and following the tire-tracks, walking down the road.

He would find Gavin and he would save him, even if he died doing it.

**_ RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT-RT- _ **

Six months. It had been six months since Gavin was taken from him and he just kept missing those monsters. Kept passing by the carnage the left behind but it just fuelled him, kept him moving and going after them. He existed just to hunt those monsters down and kill them all, tear them to shreds like the monsters everyone that lived right now were running from.

Once, he found a message, written for him on a wall from Gavin. Just six words.

_Ryan Find me Kill me Please_

Ryan had nightmares every night since Gavin was taken from him. Nearly all of them were bad. The worst ones were the good ones. The ones where he was able to move those few extra millimetres and kiss Gavin. Where no men came to take him away. Where he and Gavin got a happy ending, finding somewhere to live in peace and love each other ‘til the ends of their long, happy lives.

They were the worst because he always woke up afterwards. Then he’d lay there and ask the universe why it would do this. If he’d committed some horrible transgression in falling in love with his best friend and if he should just lay there and wait for the decomposing hands to creep in and take him apart.

But then Gavin would have no one in the world to save him. That’s why he went on.


	6. Chapter 6

**_ Chapter Six _ **

_18 months later_

Ryan hissed as he finished stitching up his latest injury. Not a bite or a scratch, thank Christ. He’d been escaping a horde when he caught his arm on a piece of shredded car. It wasn’t the worst injury he’d ever had but it was up there mostly because it was on his right arm and he still wasn’t used to his left yet.

He took another hefty swig of whiskey, the cinnamon one with the lion-dragon-chimera thing on the front. He couldn’t stand the taste of much else until he finished off half a bottle of that. And it helped him sleep. Sleep was definitely not the right word for when he drank enough to pass out on the floor, hoping he didn't dream at all.

It never worked. It just dulled them or kept them on the slightly happy side. It meant he wasn’t screaming when he woke up, at least.

He fumbled with his bag, trying to find the little booklet with the American flag on it but his hands, shaking a little from the alcohol and the pain, kept missing. Eventually, though, he managed to pick it up, opening it to the page that had today’s date.

It was his birthday. Two years exactly after Gavin had been taken. He was 21, Gavin already 20. Two years of searching and he was nearly there. The gang had just ransacked this town this morning so they’d be celebrating somewhere nearby and spend the next week going through their new supplies.

It was a pattern they never broke. He had a week to find them and kill them all.

In his pack, right at the bottom in a plastic bag was another notebook that Ryan refused to look in. A little notebook with a British flag on it.

But it was his birthday and he was feeling drunk and selfish. He’d found no sign of Gavin in that group of bandits since the half-legible scrawl in what looked like blood on the wall of a bathroom, telling Ryan to stop following them and to just keep himself safe and he’d found that five months ago. No, Ryan needed this. He needed something of Gavin to keep him grounded. To keep him from crossing the line from rescue into revenge and losing himself completely in his need for blood.

He opened the book and right on the first page was a little title, saying this was ‘Gavin’s Notebook of Imagination and Creative Thought’. The next few pages were notes, reminders of the date that day or of locations they were to avoid or try for. Then there were some rough drawings of something mechanical. Then there was a sketch. One that Ryan did for Gavin years ago of the British boy, looking through his camera with a smile on his face.

Gavin had seen the sketch and immediately asked if he could have it.

‘ _An original Ryan Haywood? I’m gonna need this later when you’re selling art for a million a piece.’_

Ryan almost closed the book when he noticed something on the next page.

A letter, addressed to him.

_Dear Ryan,_

_You’re reading this because of one of two things. Either you nicked my book while I was sleeping or something happened to me. Hopefully it’s the first._

_I wanted to make sure you knew this before you did anything too stupid, because I’ve noticed what you do when you think I’m in danger. How you throw yourself in and risk your own life, as if that will make it any better, knowing I’m alive because you died._

_But I’d be a hypocrite. Because I know that in the same situation, I’d take that bullet or bite for you._

_Because I love you._

_I fell in love with your smile and your eyes and your mind as soon as we started to talk at school but I was scared of telling you. I was scared that you’d stop being my friend or, worse, you’d start dating me out of pity and we’d end up hating each other._

_I couldn’t let that happen. So instead of manning up and telling you in person, I’m telling you using a journal you may never end up reading. I guess that’s how brave I am when it comes to you._

_So if you’ve just nicked it and I’m somewhere nearby, please don’t be too angry. Or leave me. I couldn’t bear that._

_But if I’m gone...Keep yourself safe. I’ll watch over you. Please just keep going. Don’t let yourself die because for me._

_Love, for a lifetime and more, Gavin_

…

Ryan’s hands were shaking, so much that he dropped the book, breathing deeply and trying to will away the crushing pain in his chest.

“ _Fuck!”_ he choked out, picking up the bottle of whisky and throwing it across the room so it shattered, filling the bar with the scent of cinnamon. He stood up, pacing and kicking things, finally settling on a chair that he swung around, smashing every other piece of furniture with until he was exhausted enough to crumple to the ground, letting out one last anguished sob as he rolled onto his side. His hands tangled in his hair, pulling until the point of pain while he broke down into sobs.

A few hours later, tired, sore and just sobering up, Ryan stood from his place on the floor, silently walking over to the book and placing it back into his bag, packing his things up and securing himself a place to sleep in the office, making sure the door was locked, his weapons were loaded or sharpened and that he was ready to find the men that took Gavin from him and annihilate them.


	7. Chapter 7

**_ Chapter Seven _ **

**_ WARNING! REFERENCES TO SEXUAL ABUSE, GORE AND VIOLENCE! WARNING! _ **

**_(_** Also, for my sciency followers, I’m requesting a little bit of suspended disbelief in this chapter regarding a certain substance you will know when I mention it. I know it doesn’t work like that but its for the purpose of emphasising what Ryan has become. So yeah. Let’s read :D)

\----

Ryan crouched low, hearing the laughter echoing around the camp. He managed to keep out of sight so far, taking out one of their men on the perimeter of the slap-dash camp. They’d set up some markers with warnings on them, saying their gang name and various threats. But Ryan paid no heed as he put a knife into the back of one man’s head and slit the throat of another, leaving them for the walkers.

“Hey, boy. Get your food before I throw it to the dogs,” a man, who Ryan recognised as the one that had grabbed Gavin that day, called over to someone in the shadows a little ways away. And sure enough, it was Gavin. He was thinner than he had ever been, painfully so. His hair was long, down to his shoulders like it had been in school but it was matted together and filthy, much like the clothes he had on. The clothes themselves were something that made Ryan want to rip into the men now. They were tight, ripped in places and covered in various stains, all either from Gavin or the men.

Gavin reached for the plate of what couldn’t be called anything but ‘scraps’ but the man moved the plate out of reach as if wanting something first. Gavin said something, quiet enough that Ryan couldn’t hear but had the man grinning and placing the plate down beside him and…

He unzipped his fucking pants.

Gavin got onto his knees in front of him.

The other men catcalled and hollered while the leader just sat back with a fucking smirk on his fucking face.

_NO_

Ryan pulled out his crossbow, firing from the shadows at the man, hitting him right in the throat loading one more and firing it into his spine, just above the shoulders. He let out a few gargling noises, his followers rushing to their feet and scrambling around to find the source of the arrow while Gavin remained on his knees, pulling away from the now dead man and covering his head with a terrified look on his face.

The brunette loaded another bolt and fired at the pot over the fire, spilling the boiling water and dousing the flames so the men were left in darkness.

They screamed and panicked, firing madly in the entirely wrong directions while Ryan dispatched them all. Once the gunfire went silent, Ryan stood from his hiding place and calmly walked over, stepping over the bodies of the monsters. He wish it had been more satisfying. He heard some noises, gargling.

The leader was still alive.

For now.

Ryan pulled out a flashlight from his bag and switched it on, placing it on the ground so it faced the man. He twitched for a moment before he realised that Ryan was not one of his men, eyes wide and panicked while the young man approached him, the twitching increasing a little more as he tried to escape, then realised he couldn’t move.

“You remember me, don’t you?” Ryan asked, his face blank while he pulled something out of his bag. A small tube with small medical writing the man couldn’t make out. “Of course you do. You kept Gavin with you for so long, you couldn’t forget. And I wouldn’t pull on that, if were you. It’s severed your spinal cord it seems. You won’t be able to move for any of this. Good for me,” he continued on while he opened the tube and started pouring a powder over the man’s exposed skin.

“You don’t know what this is, do you?” he queried rhetorically, holding up the tube. “Its actually pretty nifty if you use it right. It’s an anti-haemorrhagic, used to stop bleeding so doctors can stitch you back up but in this case, I’ve come up with a fairly creative purpose,” Ryan explained.

“What I’m going to do is leave you here. You won’t bleed out because of the powder. Once I leave _with Gavin_ , the walkers will come. They will eat your friends eventually but because you’re still alive, alive and unable to move, they’ll go for you first,” he continued, looking steadily into this man’s eyes as he became more and more terrified.

“Once they start biting, the powder will fall from your skin to the inside of the wounds. You won’t be able to bleed out, you’ll just keep alive for as long as it works until they rip your fucking heart out and this stuff doesn’t stop pain. No, you will feel every set of teeth tearing into your fucking flesh, every piece of you being ripped from your bones while they eat you alive,” Ryan snarled, losing the composure he’d kept until now.

“And while you’re feeling them rip into your intestines and feasting on you, I want you to remember that I did this to you, I followed you for _two. Fucking. Years_. Because you took my Gavin away from me. Because you’re the fucking monster that defiled him and I will stand by, from the safety of my shelter and _watch_ while you die slowly and in the same amount of pain you left me in when you took him away from me and that you’ve put him in _every day,_ ” he stood from his crouched position, reaching for the torch, but then hesitated, leaving it lying on the ground.

“I’ll leave that for you. Can’t let you off with not being able to see them get closer and closer to you. I personally hope they leave you for last so you can spend some time being the scared one for once,” Ryan added. He turned around while the man made gargling noises, probably begging for mercy or something else that was never going to happen. Ryan spotted Gavin, curled in on himself with his hands covering his ears, shaking like a leaf.

“Gavin?” Ryan called gently, reaching out and placing a hand on the Brit’s shoulder. Gavin flinched, shifting away a little before he looked up, his face clouded in confusion for a moment, then it clicked and his eyes widened.

“Ryan?” he replied, his voice hoarse and quiet. Ryan nodded, his eyes tearing up a little in relief as he placed his hands on Gavin’s cheeks and soothingly ran through his hair. Then the wide eyes shifted to the man still shaking in his bloodied up lawn chair. “N-No. He protects me, I’ll die. I-I need him,” Gavin whimpered in a rushed panic, trying to shove past Ryan to…to fucking help the man Ryan was leaving to die because of what he was did to Gavin. Ryan wrapped his arms around Gavin’s waist, keeping him in place, away from the walker-bait.

“Gavin, no, you don’t. He hurt you. I-I’ve got you now, I’ll protect you,” Ryan said, wincing as Gavin clawed into Ryan’s arms to push him away.

“You left. _You left me to die and they saved me_ ,” Gavin shrieked and Ryan nearly let go of him purely out of shock. What the fuck was he saying? He didn’t leave. They took him.

“No, Gavin. Fuck- calm down,” Ryan pleaded but Gavin just struggled harder. Soon enough, there were shuffling noises coming closer and closer and Ryan realised that he had to force Gavin to leave.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Gav,” Ryan pulled out a small syringe, the original plan on incapacitating the gang leader, and plunged it into Gavin’s side, feeling him tense up, then drop into Ryan’s arms. The older boy took little time loading him into one of the men’s trucks, pealing out quickly but not without sparing a glance for the leader, watching as the walkers took their first bite.


	8. Chapter 8

**_ Chapter Eight _ **

Ryan sat on a wooden chair in front of the still sleeping Gavin, his elbows resting on his knees and a hand over his mouth.

‘ _You left. **You left me to die and they saved me.’**_

The brunette sat back in his chair, his eyes remaining on the sleeping form of his best friend. It had to be some sort of temporary insanity. Stockholm Syndrome or some shit like that. Ryan didn’t leave him. He was beaten unconscious and Gavin was _taken_ from him.

Speaking of, the sandy-haired Brit started to stir, his hazel eyes fluttering open.

“Gavin?” Ryan called quietly, not standing from his seat as much as he wanted to rush over and pull the younger boy into his arms. He needed to figure out what the fuck was going on. Gavin pushed himself up, looking a little frazzled but that was to be expected after being drugged. Ryan hated having to do that but he really didn’t have a choice.

“Ryan?” Gavin replied, looking up at him with that same look of confusion but instead of horror, his expression shifted to resignation as he shakily made his way to his feet, stumbling over to Ryan and then dropping to his knees in front of him. “They’re dead, aren’t they,” Gavin said more than asked and Ryan simply nodded. He wasn’t entirely sure how he should proceed with this. It wasn’t exactly like he’d ever handled someone after they’d likely been tortured and ra-… _abused_ for two years straight.

Gavin just sat there and processed it for a moment, then he crawled up from his knees and placed himself into Ryan’s lap, a finger curled underneath his chin to lift it up enough so their lips nearly touched. His lips were slightly curled up in a smirk and his eyes were hooded seductively.

“You’re going to protect me then, right? In return, I’ll make you happy,” he purred with this sensuality that seemed hollow, forced. Ryan was frozen in a mixture of arousal and shock before he came to his senses and gently tried to push Gavin away, at least off of his lap. The Brit’s expression shifted from flirtatious to this childish disappointment, but kept a fairly firm grip on Ryan.

“Not in the mood? I can help with that. Just relax and I’ll take care of you,” he whispered teasingly, attaching his lips to Ryan’s throat, nibbling gently and it took every ounce of self-control not to moan, managing to push Gavin back again, this time entirely off of him.

“Gavin, you don’t-“

“You’re going to leave me again. Leave me to die. You killed the people that protected me just to finish the job,” Gavin whimpered, the seductive smirk vanished and replaced with a look of terror, crumbling to the floor with his hands tangled in his hair. Ryan dropped out of the chair and slid his hands into Gavin’s hair as well, intertwining their fingers together and removing his hands to make sure he wasn’t going to rip his hair out.

“I don’t know what they told you but you know what you saw that night. I didn’t leave you,” Ryan promised. Gavin sat there, his eyes focused on nothing at all while he muttered to himself.

“No, y-you left. You left me alone,” Gavin repeated over and over again, tears welling up in his eyes.

“It was my birthday. Do you remember that?” Ryan asked, trying to get Gavin to look at him but the younger man refused to, even when Ryan tilted his head up, his eyes just snapping shut. “You got me something, art stuff. Even though-“

“You didn’t want me to,” Gavin finished, his almost pained expression softening into recognition. “I nicked it from an art supply store while you were taking a piss. I told you it was because I missed seeing you draw,” he continued on, the gears turning in his head until his eyes snapped open and his gaze went straight to Ryan.

“They came and they shot you. Oh god, Ryan, I wanted to help. They hurt you a-and they took me away. I tried to run but they just kept hurting me. Kept telling me you left me with them. That you didn’t care. Th-that I was only good for fucking and I’d die on my own,” Gavin sobbed, clutching at Ryan’s shirt. “I’m sorry. I’m so bloody sorry,” Gavin whimpered, curling in on himself while Ryan wrapped his arms around him, hushing him and stroking his hair.

“It’s okay. You’re safe,” Ryan assured, pressing his lips to Gavin’s forehead and pulling him close. “You’ll be okay. I’ll take care of you like I used to,” he swore. Gavin sobbed harder, holding onto Ryan like he was his only precious thing in the world. And really, he was.

After a few hours of just holding each other, lying on Ryan’s sleeping bag with Gavin in Ryan’s arms, the Brit piped up, his voice hoarse from crying as hard as he did.

“I remember something else,” he whispered, half-asleep due to the fingers running through his hair. Ryan looked down at Gavin, prompting him to continue when he felt ready. “That night, we were sitting next to each other and holding hands. And I think you were going to kiss me. Or did I make that up too?” Gavin asked honestly and it was understandable that he’d wonder that after thinking Ryan had abandoned him for so long.

“You didn’t. I…Can I?” Ryan asked just as quietly, seeing Gavin nod in response. Ryan propped himself up on an elbow, his free hand cupping Gavin’s cheek as he leant down, pressing a gentle kiss to his best friend’s, his love’s, lips. After a brief moment, he pulled back away, thumb stroking Gavin’s still-soft skin.

“I love you, Gavin,” Ryan whispered. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that before. I love you so much,” he repeated, pressing a light kiss to Gavin’s forehead, then his cheeks, then once more to his lips, making sure not to hover over him too much.

“I love you too. Please tell me you got the note I left,” Gavin said, Ryan nodding in response while he took one of Gavin’s hands in his, pressing light kisses to the back of it.

“I’m sorry I took so long, darlin’,” Ryan choked out, tears finally making their way down his face. He’d spent so long without Gavin that finally having him there, in his arms was just overwhelming. Gavin just held him just as tight, pulling him down so they could lay there together, finally falling asleep after what had to be the longest day of their lives.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the lack of an ending, I honest-to-god thought I had posted this final chapter. Sorry about that.

**_ Chapter Nine _ **

_Epilogue_

“Ryan?”

“Yeah, Gav?”

The older man murmured the reply as he ran a comb through his lover’s hair, a pair of scissors snipping at the slightly-too-long sandy blonde hair in his hands. It was soft, softer than it had been for a while but they’d just traded with people in town for shampoo. Purely a splurge item but since their farm was actually producing more than enough food, they could stand to trade a little extra. Especially if it meant Gavin’s hair smelled like apples, like back in school.

“Guess what today is,” Gavin prompted, a hint of a smile in his voice. Ryan tense up a little nervously, both at the memory of the last time Gavin had said that to him and because of what he was going to do next.

“I remember. It’s my birthday,” he replied, cutting off another section of hair. “I also got you something,” he added, hearing the adorable laugh from his lover.

“I think you’ve forgotten how gift giving on birthdays work,” Gavin said, shivering a little when the cold steel of the scissors brushed against the back of his neck.

“Your reaction will be your present to me, okay?” Ryan replied, cutting off the last bit of long hair on Gavin’s head. He put the scissors down and went to fetch something from the closet in their room.

They’d been living on a farm for nearly two years now, managing just fine on their own for a while, then the addition of animals warranted trading with a vet regularly to check on their animals. Thankfully he was a nice enough guy with a wife and a daughter that seemed to adore Gavin. Talking to them about certain things made things clear for Ryan, prompting him to get this item for Gavin. Ryan rushed climbed back out of the closet, holding the item behind his back while Gavin tried to peer around him.

“Nuh uh, close your eyes,” the older boy said with a smile and a chuckle. Gavin humphed and crossed his arms but closed those beautiful hazel eyes anyway, waiting for Ryan’s say-so before he opened them. When Ryan cleared his throat and Gavin opened his eyes again, Ryan was kneeling down in front of him, a small velvet box in his hand that held a beautiful gold and diamond engagement ring.

“I’ve been thinking about this for a while and, I know it doesn’t really have much meaning in the ways of law and all that since…well we don’t have a government and laws are arbitrary at best but-“ Ryan rambled, cut off when Gavin sniffled in front of him. The younger man was crying, hands over his mouth, staring at the ring.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry, Gav please-please don’t cry, darlin’,” he tried to amend but Gavin removed his hands, revealing a thousand watt smile right before he pretty much tackled Ryan, pressing kisses over his neck and cheeks.

“Of course I will, you clotpole,” he sniffed, pulling back to remove the ring gently from the box before putting it on his finger and enveloping Ryan in another tight hug. Ryan’s arms curled around Gavin’s waist, happy that he got this moment with Gavin after everything they’d been through.


End file.
